Review: Le Wand Massager Petite

While I was at Woodhull, I won a Twitter giveaway held by my pal Red Hot Suz. The prize? A Le Wand Petite Rechargeable Massager, plus lube and massage oil samples from SUTIL. I was excited to win this giveaway for a few reasons. First, I don't normally win things, so winning the giveaway in and of itself was a cool surprise--as much as winning a contest you entered can be a surprise.

Secondly, this is my first wand-type vibrator ever. When I was younger, I believed the myth that using wands can cause clitoral desensitization and make it harder to orgasm without them. This knowledge, plus the not-broke-college-kid-friendly $100+ price tag of most meant that wands were low on my self-pleasure bucket list. Before now, my only experience with a wand was hearing my college roommate's plug-in hitachi from across our house. 

I'm a sucker for beautiful packaging, and this box endeared me to Le Wand IMMEDIATELY.

The Le Wand Petite is a smaller version of the Original Le Wand. It comes in two beautiful colors: the light violet I have, and rose gold. Within the ridiculously gorgeous box, you get: the wand, the USB charging cord, a travel pouch, instruction guide, and a bonus pleasure guide. The pleasure guide is an amazing addition to the packaging because it helps explain using a wand to beginners. Wands aren't self-explanatory, so the pleasure guide was helpful to me as a wand newbie and as someone interested in sex education.

The wand is rechargeable and waterproof, with 10 speeds and 6 patterns. It measures 10 inches x 1.8 inches and 0.47 lbs (7.52 oz). The head is made of silicone and the "neck" joint is flexible. It has three buttons: one to turn the intensity up (it looks like a plus and also functions as the on button), one to change the vibration pattern, and one to turn the intensity down (it looks like a minus and also functions as the off button). The buttons also act as a travel lock, which when coupled with the wand's light weight, small size, and storage pouch, make it incredibly travel friendly. 

One of my favorite features is the (lack of) noise with this product. I knew it wouldn't have the lawnmower noise of my roommate's hitachi, but even on maximum power it's not much louder than so-called traditional vibrators. It's not whisper quiet, but not likely to wake, say, a partner sleeping deeply next to you. 

I don't have an Original Le Wand for comparison, but my hands are fairly small and the Le Wand Petite fits very comfortably. 

okay, but how did it feel?

I have to be honest, there was a learning curve the first time I used it. I attribute this to my lack of experience with wands in general though. The infamous numbing sensation associated with using wands is normally caused by holding it in one place for too long, since the vibrations, while rumbly, are stronger than a traditional vibrator. Because the sensation spreads across a bigger area since the vibrations are stronger, one might not think to move it around like with other kinds of vibrators. This is all explained in the pleasure guide I didn't think to read when I first opened the package. 

Rookie mistake, but I took a break and tried again, adding lube to the head the second time around because why not? This time was much better, and I finally understood the buzz about wands in the community (pun not intended, but does it really matter?)

Do as I say, not as I do: if you're new to wands, read the pleasure guide BEFORE your first use.

Due to the small size, accessing the buttons during use wasn't an issue. However, the buttons themselves do present my biggest issue with the wand. Like I mentioned above, there are 10 speeds, and the minus button is the only way to turn it off. This means that if you're using a higher speed, once you're done you either have to click down a bunch of times or hold the button for as long as 10 seconds to get it to turn off. Maybe this is standard for wands, but I'm used to a 3-second hold on a dedicated power button to turn a toy off.

That being said, I really enjoyed this wand. It was a great first-time product, so I'd definitely recommend it to wand beginners or anyone who's in the market for a wand but doesn't need something as strong as the traditional models. Even for wand aficionados, the travel-friendliness of this particular model makes it a must-have.

Woodhull Sexual Freedom Summit 2018: Conference Bae!

I've been to quite a few conferences, most of them during my time in college. They were mostly based on my activism or leadership work, and each time I would go to one I'd leave feeling reenergized and confident in my abilities to keep pushing forward in my work. The Woodhull Freedom Foundation's Sexual Freedom Summit (mostly shortened to "Woodhull" or #SFS) gave me that feeling on steroids. this was my first conference as "Sexology Bae", and I had the opportunity to meet so many bloggers and educators I knew through the internet, who I will avoid naming here lest I forget a name and hurt someone's feelings.

The cat isn't part of the conference swag, but the bags underneath him are.

I was terrified to go. I actually didn't even consider going initially because I didn't think I was enough of an expert or professional to fit in. I didn't know about it last year, and it came across very stuffy to my uninitiated eyes this time around. My friends at The Sex-Positive Blog encouraged me to apply for one of the brand new (as of this year) blogger's scholarships. I almost didn't do that either, because I hate rejection and again, felt I was too new and/or my blog was too shitty to qualify.

Thankfully, I didn't listen to my first brain. I applied and got it! The scholarship offset most of the costs for travel and accommodations, and I was able to crowdfund some additional cash so I basically broke even on expenses.

Had I not gone, I wouldn't have been able to see & hold this vintage vibrator from the 1900s currently being restored by Kenton from FunkIt Toys. Very rumbly.

While you might read other Woodhull reflections that focus more on the conference itself, I feel inclined to talk about why going to Woodhull this year is the reason I'm going to continue blogging for the foreseeable future. The opportunity of the blogger's scholarship itself speaks to just how far the sexuality world has to go in terms of accessibility. I have a good paying job and still wouldn't have been able to go without significant financial strain had I not gotten the scholarship.

The conference is expensive, the hotel is expensive, and travel is (potentially) expensive based on where you live. Couple this with the uphill battle of securing sponsorships when you're not very well connected, and even getting to a space like Woodhull in the first place seems practically impossible. Now, I know that everyone has bills to pay and needs to keep their lights on, so for an organization like Woodhull to make financial accessibility a priority for bloggers meant a lot to me. 

As a new blogger, it's hard to break into the world where it seems like everyone has known each other forever. The first few years are the hardest while you're struggling to get your footing, but it's worse if you don't have any support. Even if you make connections online, it's easy to feel like your voice is lost because there are fewer eyes on you, especially when you hold marginalized identities.

Kind of like restaurants, the first 2 years for bloggers are where the most people drop off. I haven't even been blogging consistently for a year yet and I've already noticed people who started around the same time as me fall off. Meeting people in person and connecting with industry professionals is, for me, the thing that has given me the momentum to continue blogging. I wasn't necessarily close to giving up on it, but I really struggled to see my voice as valuable in an insular community that felt full to capacity.

Woodhull also helped break me out of my "talented tenth" mindset. The sex blogging world is very white and very female, and the biggest names are mostly people who do toy reviews. This isn't a bad thing in and of itself, but it made me feel like I was in competition with other bloggers of color to be the exceptional one, to stand out and gain acceptance. I wanted to be the Black sex blogger.

That's an incredibly toxic mentality, and my time at Woodhull helped get me out of that scarcity-based thinking and made me realize that we can all eat. Supporting other bloggers, not being in competition with them, is the way up. This was a lesson I didn't talk about much during my time at the conference for fear it'd make me out to be a bad person, and I really want people to like me. But as I've had time to process, I've come to realize that I'm not the only person who felt (or feels) this way and talking about it, not around it, is the best way to overcome these kinds of feelings. 

I got to see the infamous "Jar of Horrors" in person, an expiriment Dangerous Lilly has been doing since 2014 to demonstrate the difference between body-safe silicone and other toys made out of toxic rubbers and plastic. The melty jar smells like pool toys.

As for Woodhull itself, I won't do a complete rundown of every session I went to (which unfortunately wasn't many because I hit my social interaction wall on Saturday and spent most of the day in bed). The toxic toys session presented by Dangerous Lilly and Kenton of FunkIt Toys was recorded here, and I'll be doing a summary post later and a flame test of my own on Instagram one of these days.

The biggest learnings for me happened in the Bloggers' Lounge, a too-cold conference room filled with comfy chairs and the place we all went to introvert together when the activity of the sessions got to be too much. It was here that the personas I'd come to know via Twitter over the last few months were demystified, where I got to meet people behind the avatars and actually build relationships (one of my favorite pasttimes).

I know that the melty jar smells like pool toys because I opened it and smelled it myself. Featuring Fairy Cakes Land standing next to me, Witch of the Wands looking in amused disgust, and my beautiful thighs.

Big names, people I look up to in the industry are human to me now, and it's because I got the chance to sit in a room and shoot the shit with them for a few days. The sex blogging world becomes a lot less scary once you put names to faces and realize that we're all just people trying to make the world slightly less shitty. Of course, you had to be able to get a foot in the door in the first place, which ties back to my earlier point about accessibility.

It was here where I learned about practical things like building brand relationships and pitching to sponsors. The people I met and the knowledge they shared helped me feel at peace in the space, and in my role as a member of this community.

Most importantly, I got to express myself in a way that I don't get to in my every day life. It made me so happy to be among people to whom I didn't need to explain why I liked what I did. They just understood (or if they didn't they were polite about it). More brown faces would've been nice but a girl can dream and push for more bloggers of color next year.

Yours truly, mid-spank. Not pictured: the very scary lady holding two floggers. That beautiful ass next to me? Pretty Pink Lotus Bud.

We had an impromptu impact play scene on Saturday night, which consisted of me bottoming for over 90 minutes and being hit with at least 5 different implements. I felt so connected with myself during that time, that the pain on my plane ride home the next day was completely worth it. That was my first time being part of a scene in public, and it was so chill! It was like any other day, except someone is getting flogged on the floor.

I'm not done using my #WoodhullLessons. If anything, I'm just getting started. I'm excited to take this energy + momentum and use it to carry me into my next year of blogging and beyond!

Fortunately, I've been offered the opportunity to attend Sex Down South 2018 in Atlanta, another sexuality-focused conference in September. I'm hoping that the Southern setting and emphasis on Blackness at this conference will help me step even more fully into my role as Sexology Bae. At the least, I'm hoping to get my ass beat again. 

What Does It Really mean To Pay for Sex?

Sex work is the world's oldest profession. Although it has evolved into more of an umbrella term due to technological advancements and the development of things like camming, sexting, and porn, at its core sex work is still what it always has been--the exchange of sex for money or something else of value.

But what if I told you that sex has always been transactional? This probably comes as a shock to some of you, because in my experience the Venn Diagram of men who won't spend money on a woman without expecting sex in return and men who shame sex workers for their profession is a circle. Non-men aren't without blame in the perpetuation of violence against sex workers though. misogyny is insidious and we've all been bamboozled into thinking that buying into it offers us some sort of protection from its effects. it doesn't, especially when you add in other factors like race, social class, and (dis) ability.

I've touched on our society's control of women in previous posts, so rather than getting back into that, let's unpack our cultural aversion to admitting we like to pay for sex. 

Historically, women were "sold" by their fathers to the highest bidder via marriage. Whether it be for political alliances, land, money, or protection, women have always been a form of currency. Along with this exchange came the expectation that the daughter was a virgin, because who wants to pay full price for used goods? Puritanical, patriarchal ideas about women's bodies rooted in Christian doctrine had nothing to say about selling your daughter's pussy for a couple of acres and some livestock because everything is pure in the eyes of God since she's married, but it takes a lot of issue with a woman deciding those things for herself.

I'm on twitter fairly often and I see tweets like this all the time:

I didn't write this tweet, but I cropped out the username for privacy.

The first thing that annoys me about this post is that it implies that "prostitution" is something people should want to avoid. For many people, sex work is a lucrative and fulfilling career. More than that, this post fundamentally misunderstands how sex works...works. Dating someone who can provide for you financially is radically different than having clients pay you for sexual services.

Whorephobia aside, almost all of us have used sex in a transactional way to get what we want. If you've plied someone with gifts to endear them to you so they'd have sex with you, you've had transactional sex. If you've had sex with someone because they've given you gifts, you've had transactional sex. If you've accepted and/or given sex in exchange for something else (like weed), you've had transactional sex. This doesn't mean you're a sex worker, but I make this analogy to demonstrate that sex workers choosing to monetize the same thing we all do is just good business acumen. Ancient ideas about sexuality just make us regard them as not worthy of respect. 

Using sex transactionally isn't inherently a bad thing! It's just the nature of how sex has worked in our society forever and how we're socialized to engage with it. but trying to do mental gymnastics to justify how we're not doing just that perpetuates stigma that ultimately impacts actual sex workers. Let people (consensually) fuck in peace and get it how they think is best.